0004bc78-1204-a734-d562-6f567527e9b3_60

My Issues with Kink.com

Journal Entry | 83 Comments |

Before I say anything I would just like to say that I am pro-porn, pro-fantasy-fulfillment, and obviously pro-BDSM. But as I had mentioned in a status update, recent events have left me strongly questioning the integrity of Kink.com as a corporation and the way that they have represented the BDSM community as a whole.

Sometime in December Kink.com announced that they were going to be “deflowering” Nicki Blue, a model that my girlfriend, Maya Paradox, had worked with at Girls Tied Up Tight. The event was to be held in the form of a luxurious party at the Armory on the Upper Floor and was to be broadcasted live for members to watch on January 15th. My girlfriend and I were invited via email to this party. We chose not to attend for various reasons including the fact that a close friend of ours was holding his birthday party that night.

Apparently losing her virginity in front of an live audience is something Nicki has wanted to do for years. After some research I found that she had tried to pitch this idea to both Hustler and Howard Stern, and both had turned her down. Both my girlfriend and I thought that it was wonderful that Kink.com was going to help her achieve this fantasy in the way she had wished for it to happen.

I did not realize how highly publicized the event had become until I was sent another email from Kink requesting that viewers vote on who was to take Nicki’s virginity. That email included a link to a Behind Kink interview with Nicki Blue where there were tons of enraged comments on the way that Kink had been advertising the event. I most certainly agreed that the emphasis they put on Nicki being a “true virgin” because she has a hymen was out of line. They announced that the event would include a “hymen cam” to prove that her hymen was still in place, because well, we all know if there’s no hymen, she’s not a virgin right? Wrong. Some women are not born with hymens. Nicki has also done anal and oral, so she is only a virgin if the only way that you define sex is a penis penetrating a vagina. I find this pretty insulting not just to women, but also to the LGBTQ community. If you say that a penis in a vagina is the only sex that counts in terms of virginity losing, then aren’t you saying that gays and lesbians who have only had sex with their own gender are virgins? The entire theory of these myths that Kink.com supported in their publicizing of this event is infuriating in its promotion of long disproven lies about women’s bodies and its negation of sex other than male female vaginal sex. After tons of news stories and blogs were written around the event and the controversy that emerged from the advertising, including one written by Kink.com model Maggie Mayhem, Peter Acworth wrote a letter apologizing for the way that the event had been publicized. After all is said and done, I think it was very mature of Kink.com to apologize for their sexist marketing; however, this is not what I am presently concerned with.

Since we had been given free memberships after attending a party at The Upper Floor, my girlfriend, a friend of ours, and I decided to watch a portion of the live broadcast before heading to the birthday party we were to attend that night. We waited quite a while for Nicki to appear on screen, at which point they had two slaves “take care of” the foreplay by giving Nicki oral and sucking on her nipples.

After a while they moved all the guests and Nicki into another room, where they were to proceed with the “ceremony.” A man tied her wrists together, and tied her ankles to her thighs so that her legs were bent and her vagina was exposed. At this time they announced that Mark Davis had received the most votes and would be taking her virginity. Another model was recruited to fluff him in order to prepare him for the penetration. No more foreplay was given to Nicki however. What happened next is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.

When Mark was ready, he made his initial attempts to insert his penis, he was unable to get inside of her. When he finally got it in Nicki began screaming very loudly and appeared to be crying and extremely distressed. He seemed to have difficulty pushing any further because of the way that her legs were tied. At that point Mark pulled out and seemed to be very frustrated. He untied the rope that held her thighs to her ankles, saying in a huffy tone that the rope wasn’t working for him. Once her legs were untied, he made another attempt to penetrate her. Maya, our friend and I watched in horror as she began screaming “Stop!” She had to scream “stop” at least twice before Mark removed his penis. Maya asked me and the friend if we wanted to continue watching since thus far everything we had seen was quite disturbing. Our friend responded that she may never be able to watch porn again unless she was sure that Nicki was going to be okay. We all agreed that we wanted to see some sort of resolution, even though it was painful just to watch this. The three of us get off on pain to some degree, but this was not the sort of pain that seemed to be pleasurable in any way.

As we watched, Nicki still seemed to be extremely distressed. Somebody asked her if she wanted to continue, to which she tearfully responded “yes.” Mark made a few more attempts at missionary with the same results before trying a different position. They had Nicki get on all fours. During the next attempt Mark made to penetrate her, he accidentally inserted his penis into Nicki’s anus which seemed to make him angrier. He then pulled his penis out of her anus and put it directly back into her vagina which once again brought about Nicki screaming and Mark pulling out. We were shocked that no one said anything or made any attempt to stop Mark from going directly from anal to vaginal without so much as wiping off his penis as it is relatively common knowledge that this is unsafe. Several more attempts at getting his penis all the way in were made, though he was unable to insert more than just the head. There was a lot of screaming throughout this entire ordeal and the three of us felt pretty worried about Nicki’s mental well-being. At one point the camera panned to the audience of guests that were watching, and everyone looked very uncomfortable. After many more pained attempts at breaking her hymen were made, they finally decided it was time for an “intermission.”

They herded all guests and cameras into the room where the show had originally started. At this time they filmed some of the other models as well as the guests playing with each other. Many of the members of the live chat were inquiring when Nicki would return. Every so often someone would announce that she was just “taking a break” and would return soon, though of course there was no estimate of when exactly. In hopes of some sort of update on how Nicki was doing, where she was, what they were doing with her, and if she was going to be okay, we waited for over an hour before deciding that we had better leave to go to the birthday party we were already late for.

The three of us were pretty down the remainder of the night. Our friend commented that she was worried she’d have nightmares after watching this. When I returned home, I sent an e-mail to Stefanos requesting to be removed from The Upper Floor mailing list. This was the list that you had to be on in order to get invited to special parties at the Armory, and since I no longer wish to support Kink.com in any way, there is no need for me to be on it.

After some digging on the Kink.com forums, I read in a few places that the “intermission” went on for nearly two hours before Nicki returned. The next attempt they made started with anal sex and then after a while of that (hopefully they used a different guy for the anal, or at least had Mark clean his penis this time), Mark successfully penetrated Nicki vaginally on his first try and they continued with intercourse. I cannot vouch for the validity of this, as it happened after we left, but that’s the gist of what I read.

To me there is quite a bit of mystery about what went on behind the scenes during that two hours and thinking about it makes me quite uneasy. They had a lot of money riding on this event.

Nicki uploaded a YouTube video after the shoot and appeared to be in high spirits. I’m glad that she appears to be alright, and I hope her fantasy was fulfilled to her liking, but I can’t help but wonder how horrible it must have felt to have what happened to her in the first round broadcasted in front of hundreds of people.

It seemed that Kink.com did not anticipate that there would be any issue at all with getting a porn-star sized penis into a girl who has never had anything in her vagina. The whole night seemed to reek of unprofessionalism and unpreparedness, and I personally would not have wanted to be in Nicki’s position.

I wonder if I was extremely surprised at Kink.com’s lack of responsibility in this situation because from what I know, Kink.com has a relatively good track record in terms of model treatment. In my opinion, Mark Davis’s treatment of Nicki was absolutely inappropriate that he was allowed to go on with blatantly unsafe sex practices without being reprimanded by anyone. His disregard for her screaming “stop” the first time she said it is very scary to me. The Kink.com website states that one of their values is expecting employees to give honest, direct feedback. One could argue that she should have said “red” but this was not intended to be a rape scene, so in my opinion “stop” is pretty fucking direct.

I once again would like to reiterate that I am pro-pornography. I cannot stand however, seeing models being treated poorly, especially by a company that claims their models come first. In my opinion, they did not live up to their stated value of being safe, sane, and consensual. Kink.com is the biggest BDSM porn company in the world, and for many vanilla people it may be their only view into what the BDSM community stands for. I talked to two vanilla people about this situation and they instantly knew the “Deflowering” event I was referring to, possibly because of its publicity, or because Kink.com is so well known. One of them commented “That’s what happens when you hang out with those kinds of people for too long.” Thanks Kink.com, I’m sure thrilled at the way that you’re representing the BDSM community.

While there is much written about the nature of Kink.com’s “mistake” in their advertising, I have scoured FetLife, the Kink.com forums, and even Google hoping that someone who watched the show would speak up about what occurred on the 15th. It seems the only thing people were concerned about was whether or not Nicki had been a real virgin. Did no one else see what I saw? Is everyone just afraid to say anything? Doesn’t anyone care?

I realize that by writing this I may be closing doors with some really big figures in the San Francisco BDSM community. But after a lot of thinking, and much loss of sleep, I decided that I’d rather put forth what I believe in than have people like me.

I am currently in the process of writing a letter to Peter Acworth expressing my concerns with this situation. I think that this whole thing is a tragedy for women and for the BDSM community and I’m horribly disgusted that nobody else has said anything about it.

83 Comments (leave comment)

Damn.... just.... Damn. I'm sorry you had to watch that and I hope she did end up enjoying it but I fully agree with why you don't support kink.com. Hell I don't think I can or would either in your shoes. Seriously they had NO thought about getting a porn star into a virgin with little to no preparation......

What morons

While I'm not huge on porn, I had an increased amount of skepticism revolving around this event. With some of the talk about the interviews ab out her hymen and her painful complications with tampons, I saw that many women were concerned about the possibility of Vaginismus. I was hoping that it was just the pain of a teenager stretching her hymen and getting used to tampons and that medical attention was being paid to it to make sure that it was nothing too serious. After reading your account of the night though, I'm pretty fucking worried that the women voicing these concerns might have been right on the money.

I've always heard excellent things about Kink.com from a kinky but not particularly porn enthusiastic position. But I had mixed feelings about this particular event and am alarmed and disappointed to hear that things turned out the way they did. I was enjoying my birthday that evening otherwise I may have looked into it. On the one hand, I suppose Ms. Blue reflection on the scene after the experience is ultimately the important thing here. But this still isn't good to hear. It raises some serious concerns.

Wow Lollith, what happened was horrible! I’m glad you’re balsy enough to speak up about it. You say you’re possibly “closing doors” with some people, but I think writing this will do the community a huge favor in the long run. There’s my uneducated 2 cents worth. lol

This is one of the more disturbing things i have read in a long time. I am glad I don't watch Kink.com videos, otherwise i might have witnessed this and i think i would have lost sleep. I admire you speaking out about this because it needs to be said. I don't think that what you are describing should be should be ignored as it sounds like a poor representation of this lifestyle and anybody watching this who is still unfamiliar with the lifestyle might be put off of it. I have heard good things about kink.com and me decision not to use it has nothing to do with it's quality. But I don't like the idea of the spectacle overshadowing safety.

Thank you for sharing this note, Lollith. It seems unfortunate that rather than let Ms. Blue (not sure how to address her, so gonna go with the formal type address) decide who would be the first to penetrate her vaginally, kink.com left it up to a mass vote by people who do not ultimately care about her well-being so much as "Oooh the KINKY sexorz."

I have heard a lot of good things about kink.com, though their relationship with safer sex practices, and ensuring the health of those who work/partake in events there does not seem as helpful/healthy as it should be. Allowing Mr. Davis to go straight from anal to vaginal penetration without any cleaning is disturbing, and makes my "Eww" scale go up to eleven.

Hopefully she was surrounded by friends during her "intermission," and was able to carry on by her own choice.

I think what @Kinky_Limey said sums up everything perfectly: "[But] I don't like the idea of the spectacle overshadowing safety."

you've lost sleep over this? oh, honey <3

That's really just... gross... tho. Anal to vag? How unprofessional! I wonder if what Stefanos and Chey have to say about this as I have a lot of respect for those guys.

Dude tho... a pounding from a porn star would SUCK for a first time! But that girl asked for it and that Mark dude was just doing his job... she got exactly what she asked for. People make poor choices.

I am shocked, completely baffled, that no one else who has viewed this disaster, has said anything! Lollith, you rock for being so brave to speak out!

@Painfulslug14: Granted, we have no clue what happened behind the scenes during those 2 hours. However, during the part that I saw, no one stepped in as the role of a "friend" to comfort her, tell her to breathe, or to help take the situation more slowly with more foreplay, helping her to relax. The scene was cold and heartless, and was a perfect example of the "diffusion of responsibility," as a crowd of people watched at a distance, silent and visibly uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to the other with uncertain, anxious expressions.

There is the whole issue of the "anal to vag" thing. And yes, that is unsafe and irresponsible. However, the big thing for me in viewing this show was the process of Mark unsuccessfully penetrating Nicki. As a longtime player in BDSM, I have done heavy scenes. Some of them have even been rape scenes, that are hardcore, intense, and involve cathartic crying on the part of the bottom. So trust me, I can tell ecstatic pain from "true" pain. There was nothing ecstatic about this. It was completely heartbreaking to see and so deeply disturbing that it will be etched in my mind forever. I sincerely believe that unless someone is a complete sociopath, they will have had that same reaction.

The diffusion of responsibility is disturbing as well. Horrible things are allowed to happen when people stand by and allow things to happen instead of speaking up. Are people afraid of going against a universal successful business like Kink.com? Probably. But this was a live show. The truth was available world-wide, before Kink goes into the editing room and cuts out the less savory pieces of the evening. Please, people, if you saw this show, your opinion on what you saw would be appreciated. And if you hold back because you have major investment in the Kink.com business, well, that is a damn shame for humanity.

This was absolutely sickening to read. You can tell them in that letter that at least one person who has read an account of the event will have no dealings with them in the future.

@ Lolith and MayaParadox. I was also invited to this party but declined the invitation. In a way i wish I did go so i could have given you better insight on went on behind the scenes with your friend, but on the other hand I'm glad that I didn't have any part of that. I'm sorry you guys had to witness that. I love, love, LOVE porn.. am a Porn whore, love submission, love pain.. Love all of that.... but from what you have described, that just went painfully wrong. Painful and wrong in so many ways..
You guys may have closed doors like you said, But You are being true to yourselves and no one can take that away. You are voicing what you feel, you are voicing your core, and you are voicing your concerns for your fellow community member. You both Rock!!
There's No Fake about you two. So glad you are not afraid to voice, and not afraid to divert from the herd and/or crowd. Very impressive... Respect to you both. @ Lolith.. Thank goodness there are people like you who are not afraid to speak up!! We need more of yousssss.. hehe..
I hope your friend is ok... :-) Marisa~

Thanks for making the difficult choice to speak up. I avoided this event wholly because it seemed so ridiculous and wrong. I agree that Kink.com should've handled themselves more professionally, but I also think that the whole situation was completely out of hand and that a girl who keeps her vaginal "virginity" so she can give it up in porn is bound have some sort of bad psychological reaction to it, especially because she is so young. I believe this is something that occurs regularly - young girls, just barely legal, are allowed to make decisions that they aren't psychologically developed enough to make, and there are always psychological repercussions. It sucks that this was broadcast to the whole community; in my opinion they should've turned off the cameras and stopped the shoot if it got as intense as you describe it. Anyway, the whole thing sounded like a disaster from the start, I can see why other companies rejected the idea, and no one should've allowed her to make her "fantasy" come true, in opinion, because she had no clue what she was asking for. And while I completely respect young women, I remember how stupid I was at her age and how mature I appeared and thought I was. Did no one tell her what first time vaginal sex is like? I don't think I've ever heard of someone who had a great time with it. Glad it sounds like she's ok and I hope this doesn't negatively affect her sexuality in the future.

Sorry you had such a negative experience with it. <3

So well written, and courageous of you to say it, and thorough and reasoned. Very well done.

Issue #1, which Maggie addressed, was the completely bogus defining of virginity. I watched the preview and just kind of had to guffaw when she matter-of-factly stated to everyone what "true" virginity was. (That whole "I don't want to lose it to a toy" thing, etc.) Maggie covered it very well. But in the end, for Kink, it's all about marketing. "live deflowering!" will sell more newspapers than "butt slut's first time vaginal!" The mea culpa post of theirs is nice, but the preview happens to still be up. Put another way, unless Kink delayed the shoot for a month in order to completely re-do the marketing, it's kinda just lip service, which undermines the integrity they mention.

Issue #1 is pretty thoroughly covered on blogs and comments. Issue #2 is the appalling way with which the scene apparently was handled. And that one... yeesh. Very, very bad. Sounded like a complete horror story, with really bad behavior all around. Makes me wonder if her happy afterglow Youtube video wasn't done under some amount of pressure.

PS.. So none of the guests, bystanders, observers, witnesses etc.. etc.. all who were there in the room said nothing?? or did nothing to help/interevene?? Did they really let this go on and on??
I'm sure there were tons of veteran players there who know when to intervene in a scene gone wrong.. Although it was not the same atmosphere of a dungeon, i'm sure SOME of the people who attended took dungeon 101 or the Dungeon Monitoring class right?? There Must have been people there who at least at one point monitored a dungeon and have the capability and competency to differentiate between pleasurable ecstatic pain and true pain, right? right? sigh... :-/

i was being a little sarcastic with the dungeon monitoring statements. just trying to make a point is all..

I'd like to thank everyone who has read this lengthy journal entry. Your support is very much appreciated. It's pretty nerve wracking to voice my concerns about a company as big and influential as Kink.com, but your comments have reassured me that I did the right thing. I sent Peter Acworth a long and formal message expressing my concerns. I also informed him that I wrote this journal entry, so it will be interesting to see if I get a response or if anything will happen with this.

@happy-camper: It never occurred to me that the problems they encountered upon insertion may have been due to a medical problem. I didn't think it was possible for this situation to be any worse than it was. In terms of how Nicki reflects on this scene, I do sincerely hope that her seeming cheerfulness was authentic and not a result of some manipulation that occurred in the 2 hours she was gone.

@PainfulSlug: The anal to vaginal moment was definitely gross and unsafe, and I really hope that at the very least they start educate their talent about this.

@DrGreen: It WAS completely unprofessional. I don't think that Nicki asked for her right to consent or not consent to be disrespected, I also doubt that "direct anal to vaginal" was on any sort of contract that she may have signed. I do not think that Marks actions were in any way appropriate in this situation, and I don't think that Nicki should be held responsible for his wrongdoings or the lack of responsibility that Kink.com exhibited.

@Rusky: While I do respect her right to fulfill her fantasy, I do agree with you that it seemed that the people behind this event did not think about the possible repercussions. They were extremely unprepared and seemed somewhat oblivious to the possibility of something going wrong.

@cureeousgirl: I was also shocked that no one said anything. It makes me feel very disappointed and embarrassed that people with in our own community would just let this happen. I am still hoping that someone who saw the even will speak up, if only just to give their input.

Everyone else: Thank you once again for your support and your kind words, bur I really should be getting to bed as I am starting a new semester tomorrow and shouldn't be up this late. I'll keep everyone updated on what happens with the letter.

<3
Lollith

I saw ads in the run up to this thing and was very disappointed to see this sort of thing featured. The whole virginity-as-sales point thing really turns me off in any case, a throwback to religious traditions and attitudes that still keep millions of women in bondage (and not the fun kind). When I was a young person, my someday-to-be wife and I dealt with the whole deflowering issue as one of preparation and caring-- we couldn't wait to get into the game and become sexually active.

I find it preposterous and ironic that virginity is the one time we place a higher value on a lack of experience in another person. The idea that sex is unclean or undesirable seems to permeate our culture, but I would not expect our own community to embrace those ideas. I used to like kink.com (as opposed to other BDSM porn) because their models were real kinksters, people who had a reasonable amount of experience with bondage, and pain, and sex. And yes, while I understand that this young lady has some other experiences, to market one's first vaginal penetration in such a manner without safeguards is quite simply irresponsible.

Even if no lasting harm comes to the model herself, what I am reading here, if accurate, is a spectacle that will have disturbed a lot of people, including many women who have gone through traumatic experiences of their own. This is not what people sign on for when they join such a site, and I expect that a lot of harsh criticism of the industry may come out of this. Kink.com went to a lot of trouble over the years to garner a decent reputation for itself, but one such incident can undo a great deal of good work.

Unfortunately, to become the leader in market share, it is often tempting to cater to the lowest common denominator. I hope this hasn't happened to kink.com. Years ago their attitude was "Real people, real bondage," and genuine interactions between the players, who were expected to demonstrate responsible practices. (They were among the first to require condoms, for example.) I'd hate to next see ads pop up for "barely legal" models or similar things so common in mainstream porn.

When I saw that this was happening, I first thought good for her... finally making her dream come true. My second thought was, I remember MY first time, there is no way you're going to fit a pornstar sized cock in to a virginal any thing.

I shared this post with quite a few of my fetish friends, and they were just as appalled as I am. I hope that something good comes out of all the bad that, that shoot was. If not, they lost quite a few fans.

This is really appalling and disturbing...

YOU WANNA FIGHT?! :D

Thank you for posting this. Not knowing any of the principle players and without having witnessed it, I can only say that your description of it appalls me.

Just a quick chime in-
Marketing as "true virginity": Remember, it is business and if you think of the ratio of non-kinksters/non-queers/non-"other"s to people "like us" who regularly watch these events, it makes sense to advertise that way cause that's how their majority customer base thinks. Is it preferable? No. Does it help profitability? Absofuckinloutely! And what's marketing about? Money.
About Nicki being prepared/warned about losing her vag-virg this way: The girl put a lot of thought into this and a lot of work into getting it done. She was like a freakin lobbyist with it. I'm sure this was no picnic for her but how many first times are? And honestly, she knew for awhile who the candidates were to do the deed and could have backed out before the advertising even began but chose to move forward. That's a personal decision.
As for the stuff you read on the forums about round 2, though I was unable to attend, I have extremey relaibe resourses that that's what happened for the most part:

After some digging on the Kink.com forums, I read in a few places that the “intermission” went on for nearly two hours before Nicki returned. The next attempt they made started with anal sex and then after a while of that (hopefully they used a different guy for the anal, or at least had Mark clean his penis this time), Mark successfully penetrated Nicki vaginally on his first try and they continued with intercourse. I cannot vouch for the validity of this, as it happened after we left, but that’s the gist of what I read.

There was cleaning going on, but like blood- they're not gonna show that on camera.
Also, I checked out the cam after the event and Nicki was jumping around & bouncing all over the room giddy as can be.

Ok, Im done.

Ok, first I must say thank you for posting your perspective. I don't know what e-mail list I'm on for Kink.com, but I did get some kind of "reminder" that it was happening and found it a bit odd, maybe even a bit unreal. But, now that you mention it- I'm glad you posted your perspective because I hadn't really thought about the whole sex negativity that came with how they were promoting it. So, again- Thank you for bringing your p.o.v to the interwebs.

However, I am going to be a bit ballsy and say that Dr. Green has a bit of a point. While Kink.com IS displaying irresponsibility, and how they handled the "deflowering" was terrible- I question the responsibility of the model. I think that the responsibility of how bdsm is represented by kink.com is shared with the models and not just the directors and those behind the scenes. Regardless of what anyone tells me when going into a scene of any kind it is ultimately my responsibility to be aware of the fact that I am placing myself in a position to be possibly hurt. It is up to me to evaluate my boundaries, mentally, emotionally, physically etc.

While saying "she got what she asked for" sounds like victim blaming to me- I must also say that there is a bit of truth to the fact that Nikki ultimately is the one responsible for the thinking and planning of the situation. I think Nikki really needs to come forward and clarify her part in the situation and what happened. She is a model representing female subs and I think that it is her responsibility to speak up to set us all at ease. I would like a link to that youtube video you say that she posted. I looked and couldn't find it.

I just want to be crystal clear and say that I agree that kink.com holds the majority of the responsibility of how the scene was conducted (if Nikki was truly harmed). I think that it would be a bit hasty for me to jump on the boat of Nikki being a terrorized victim in this. I fully agree with the representation of the sex negativity and I am anxious to hear if Nikki has thought about that perspective as well.

Thank you again for posting your perspective. Like I said I hadn't really thought much more than "oh, look- Porn making a grab for publicity and trying to make some money." I really honestly thought it was just a tacky publicity stunt.

Greetings all,

I am not here to change minds or to clear up any opinions or here on behalf of Kink.com although I am employee now. I am here to say that I am reading your opinions and I hope that should you want any questions answered to message me.

I was present at the shoot doing my job which to help the guests have a good time and to monitor the online chat and help members along. I know that for some time before the shoot Nicki has been happy and over joyed. After the shoot she came to me and said, "I am not a virgin anymore" with a big smile. I know the way it went down my not have been what people wanted to see in some areas and things could have been marketed different too by our communities standards, but Nicki asked for these 3 men and these things over and over. As for consensually enacted scenes go for our community, Nicki was happy before and after and it was not manufactured for video.

You can hate or like Kink.com as a company and find its faults and merits as you wish. I am not posting this to defend them or me for that matter. I know many of you and I am deeply sorry that something I am involved in is disappointing you. I want my work in the community whether porn or not to be happy and positive.

Thanks for your time, input and energy to keep us all informed and safe.

Humbly,

Stefanos

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with the viewing of this event. I attended and covered the event for my column, including interviewing all for models appearing in the scene. I recall the rope being removed from her legs, Mark was trying to give her leverage to control the insertion. He also stopped right away when she said that, we had a discussion during the break about it. During the interim she was being seen by a family practitioner. Mark, who I've known for several years, was very concerned about her well being, to the point of being a bit nervous and shaken. I'm sorry that did not come across as such. All I can do is assure you that his actions and intentions, when seen and heard from a foot or so away and discussed before and after, were very much motivated by concern for Nicki. Likewise KINK provided as much assistance, time, and support as she could possibly have needed.

There are most definitely a few things here that I find disturbing while I read, right now I'm at a loss for words.

I'm not sure how many BDSM community was at this event who might have found segments of this shoot disturbing but this is NOT what I was taught in my 20 years of safety and scening within the actual BDSM community.

I know I'd like to know more from attendees.

Take Care,
August

For a first hand account I suggest reading the note posted by imuv.

I would also recommend reading IMUV's first hand account of the events; not because it's 'better' or 'more accurate' but rather because I've a good bit of experience on both sides of the camera (including Kink's) and what one can discern from the screen isn't always going to be representative of the events unfolding live.

I chose not to attend this event, as I do have experience with working with "girls who haven't had a male penis in their vaginas" as I did just that type of shoot for Hustler. The circumstances were that the young lady had identified as preferring women in her personal life up until that point, but had regularly included using toys, vaginally, as part of her experiences with her girlfriend. The shoot was not filmed in a live broadcast, and the director was kind enough to allow us to engage in intercourse off camera (and indeed left the room for about 15 minutes) so that she could have as enjoyable and comfortable experience as possible. I wonder to myself what it might have been like for her if it had been some other less considerate performer. As I might personally feel she was a) too young, and b) too inexperienced, she was clearly intending to go through with the shoot and would have done so whether I'd arrived on set or not.

My greatest concern with the event at kink was not simply that she chose to lose her virginity in the manner she did (live and publicly), but rather the implications of having such events 'televised' like it should be on par with a sporting event. Had her 'deflowering' taken place with a partner of her own choice, ideally someone she was romantically engaged in, I would have a very different perception. The sex one has in front of a camera, with 'strangers' for money, is so far removed from actual sex that it could boggle the mind.

From the IMUV post -

I often go to parties on weekends, but I did something a little different this weekend. I didn't just go to a party, I witnessed a rite of passage. It was unlike any other rites of passages that celebrates a transition from one phase of life to another. Nothing simple like a wedding or a bar mitzvah. I was one of a small group of people who witnessed a young woman having vaginal sex for the first time. I would imagine it not unlike the witnessing of a birth. It was primal. It was intense. It was encouraging. It was elating. And when it was all over, everyone cheered and celebrated for the young woman. Here are a few of my thoughts and FIRST HAND knowledge of the event.

  • the young woman had made a conscious decision to do this before a live audience. for her, this was years in the making and not slight of hand decision she was manipulated into by a porn company.
  • the company hosting and streaming the event had in fact prepped and taken the precautions necessary to ensure a positive experience for the young woman including having an obgyn present to witness the event, and take an "as long as necessary" intermission rather than to rush to a second attempt. could it have been managed better with better communication, sure. but saying they were "irresponsible" and "unprofessional", is harsh.
  • the witnesses present at the event included many long time, well respected members of the community who are presenters and educators in the safe, sane, and consensual implementation of bdsm practices.
  • prior to entering the sanctum, i, as well as other witnesses were instructed, if necessary, to calmly exit the sanctum in an orderly fashion and return the lounge, which is exactly what had happened.
  • if the live streaming audience did not see blood, it was due to the skills of the camera guy and the attentiveness of the house slaves who constantly wiped, cleaned, and lubed the young woman, as well as kept the studs cleaned and fluffed.
  • perhaps it was not loud enough for the camera mic to pick up but the house slaves and witnesses provided calming words of encouragement for the young woman, to breathe, to relax, that she's doing well. the staff had checked in with her regularly, asking how she was doing.
  • the first set of attempts were obviously difficult. after a long break, the second set attempts proceeded more smoothly, as the first of three men inched in slowly and carefully, it was not done callously.
  • if there has been any questions regarding the young woman's state of mind after the event, one only had to see her smile and laugh from ear to ear, hugging and kissing everyone she could put her arms around, especially the three men who were her "firsts". she was happy and excited before the shoot. she was overjoyed and floating on air after the shoot.
  • the only "discomfort" i had felt though this event was having to stand still for such a long period in the sanctum while wearing the shoes i was wearing.
  • i felt happy that the young woman was able to have her first vaginal sex experience the way she had envisioned, before a live audience who comforted, supported, and encouraged her. she was proud of herself and happy about having her fantasy fulfilled. what else can I be but happy for her? (well, especially when she hugged me and said she can't wait to play with me and get marked by me again, but that's another story…)

Of course, I can only speak to what I had witnessed and my own perception of the event. Others, especially those who watched it through the lens of a single camera may not agree. I can only say, it is unfortunately your view was not as comprehensive as it would have been from 5 feet away.

This was a lovely thin to read, both the original message and the comments by the readers themselves. I am among those that strive to have fantasies fulfilled by companies like Kink.com and the fact that someone got theirs done, whether good or bad or right or wrong, is something I am happy to hear about. There will always be mistakes and downsides and people that do silly things to the perspective of other people but after reading this entire pafe and flipping back and forth between what was right and wrong or true or untrue I'd have to say that the only IMPORTANT thing that matters is that NB had a good time and so far no one has said that she doesn't.

Side note:
Just because I scream stop while getting penetrated in the ass the first time doesn't mean stop for good it means woah person who is fucking me.

Lollith also contacted me privately about this with these same concerns, and this was my response:

I returned from a vacation and only got to see the tail end of the ceremony, which included Mark Davis's first successful penetration. I wish you could have been there because Nicki was absolutely glowing. I have rarely, if ever, seen a model quite so ecstatic after a shoot. She was walking on air and hugging everyone who came near her. I also made sure that she was given lots of aftercare and that she would stay the night so we could keep an eye on her.

This was always to be a controversial ceremony. There was always going to be the chance of pain (and not the good kind), and I can assure you that we thought long and hard for several months before deciding to allow this to take place, including very long conversations with Nicki to make sure she we understood her motivations.

When I arrived at the shoot, I did bring up the possibility of postponing, and I was told that Nicki would have been absolutely devastated if we had done so. Of course, one has sometimes to make decisions that are disappointing to a model. However, in this case, there was also a doctor present to confirm safety of the proceedings. In fact, here is a note from the doctor:

"Wow! What an experience that was! I'm so glad that I was able to help. It was a team effort, but we all made Nicki's dream come true. I have been in contact with her since the shoot, and will continue to stay in touch with her. She is doing well. Like I said to you that night, the successful completion of this shoot was an incredible gift to her. You all did the right thing. Always remember that. This really was something she needed."

(I would be happy to share the contact details with the doctor if you would be reassured by a conversation with her)

I am unsure to what extent you know Nicki, but she is no stranger to BDSM or working on camera - indeed she just did an anal fisting scene here a few days ago. I'm bringing this up because I believe firmly that she would have used a safeword had she needed to.

I certainly respect your thoughts! However, I would urge you to talk to Nicki yourself - because really, IMHO, that's what really matters. This was always about her and her fantasy, which she so badly wanted to experience.

Cheers
Peter

OMFG!! bang! bang!

I may try to write my own first-hand experience in a little bit, but as someone who was also there that night I wanted to say that I can corroborate what @imuv has said. I have also been following Nicki Blue's twitter etc, and I have seen nothing but excitement and pleasure expressed before and after the event. The first part of the evening was obviously a challenge, however I felt that kink.com and the individual performers handled it as well as possible and was quite happy to see the second part as well, with Nicki beyond thrilled.

x-posted on imuv's journal entry.

Regarding the recent kink.com shoot with Nikki Blue;

I was there and watched the shoot firsthand, in person, and will post my thoughts as the OP and others have requested. (Notably, my wife declined to go, because she thought it was a poor decision on Nikki's part.)

I have personally interacted with Nikki on a couple of occasions prior, and observed Nikki before, during, after the shoot. I'm with Leila_Valentina and Dr_Green here; any exploitation here was bi-directional and consensual all the way, the whole way from start to finish. This isn't rape victim blaming; it wasn't rape, and all expectations were well communicated above-board. But I don't feel it should be Kink.com bashing either if you didn't like it.

As others have noted, including my friend Maggie Mayhem, Nikki has been trying to sell and self-promote this idea for some time for her own benefit. This concept was a vehicle for Nikki's self promotion, and Kink.com went along for the ride for better or worse. I think the whole "virginity" promotional gaffe on Kink.com's part has been well covered, and was addressed by Mr. Acworth himself.


###To a few of the OP's points:

I cannot stand however, seeing models being treated poorly, especially by a company that claims their models come first.

If I thought that Kink.com was being harmful or exploitive, I would say so, and choose to no longer attend their event nor support their business. I don't believe this was the case. However, I had a better perspective for this than most everyone posting besides the staff and models, so I will indeed stand up and say that a woman's right to decide and make a choice for herself was respected - no matter how dumb others might feel that choice was.

His disregard for her screaming “stop” the first time she said it is very scary to me.

In case you're new to BDSM, "stop" is not a safeword, nor is "ow that hurts!" Many scenes intended to be uncomfortable have begging and pleading components of theater. It's WHY we have safewords.

But it was not rape to choose to appear on camera with 3 pornstars, and near as I could tell from 2 feet away; watching everyone reactions involved from producers, crew, models, and guests - it was not faked either.

It hurt Nikki as expected (and said prior on camera), and it was difficult for Mark. It was difficult for all of us, but not evil, wrong, or any other emotionally loaded judgmental word used to indicate malice. The scene was hard for all involved, but we had respect for the moment.

It had a bit of theater, and it was supposed to be something unique for the viewers. If you reacted, they were successful.

Did no one else see what I saw? Is everyone just afraid to say anything? Doesn’t anyone care?

I think we all care. I care enough to post my thoughts and observations here.


So, what did I see firsthand?

  • First, I was standing RIGHT behind Mark Davis, and heard/saw everything personally at a distance of 2 feet. He didn't want to hurt her, and short of just brutally shoving it in (which he was trying NOT to do) was trying to ease it in, while maintaining his erection. A very difficult balance, and a frustrating shoot for top and bottom alike; but everyone had a choice.
  • I saw a porn performer making a personal choice to do a difficult (and perhaps ill-advised) scene that would get her a lot of publicity, and put her name out there. The choice of an informed and self-aware adult who has done a lot of work to get herself as much publicity as possible.
  • I saw Nikki Blue challenge and taunt Mark Davis a bit to be hard for her. That surprised us all. Definitely not the voice of a helpless victim.
  • I saw another porn performer with a big dick, called to action on short notice, in a challenging scene with a vagina that barely accommodated a pinky, and that prior to the shoot had difficulty even inserting tampons. Do the volumetric math. It wasn't going to be comfortable...
  • I also saw the accidental anal-to-vag moment that Mark had. He was wrestling with her difficult positions and the rope at the time, and it happened. Honest mistakes do not equal premeditated malice. Should I have stepped in and stopped the shoot to be the health or saftey police? Hell no. While anal-to-vag is definitely something we want to avoid, it's neither life threatening nor illegal. You don't step into someone else's BDSM scene and stop it just because it makes you feel uncomfortable. I help teach DM training at the SF Citadel, and one of our cornerstones is that you don't take it upon yourself to interrupt another's scene unless it's a direct threat to 1) life, 2) limb, or 3) dungeon property - you get a host or owner to evaluate and intercede on everything else.
  • Kink.com had an OB-GYN doctor on hand, and I met and talked with her about the event after the "intermission" everyone was curious about. The doctor was a very nice and warm person, relaxed about how things were going, and not worried for Nikki's safety. That spoke volumes to me about how things were going with Nikki's body and mind. They took the time they needed to, instead of rushing Nikki to perform.
  • Afterwards, I witnessed Mark Davis finally getting the head of his cock into Nikki, and all of us cheered for both of them.
  • I know that there were quite a few more plans for action with Nikki that night, perhaps an airtight, but her bleeding made it impractical and they responsibly called the scene despite disappointment from the viewers.
  • Finally, I saw Nikki being very happy about how the scene went, bouncing around the room, and taking after-pictures.

So, could this shoot have been done better, or the event promoted differently? Absolutely. But evaluating the shoot's level of production quality is not at all the same as exploitation.

Dr_Green's quote is succinct and right on the mark;

Dude tho... a pounding from a porn star would SUCK for a first time! But that girl asked for it and that Mark dude was just doing his job... she got exactly what she asked for. People make poor choices.

In my opinion, this was a no-call foul. Unfortunate, unpleasant and uncomfortable definitely, but not malicious. Inappropriate stoning or piling-on here just doesn't seem warranted if this wasn't your cup of tea. Their kinks are not my kinks, but since they were adult, reasoned, and consensual, their kinks are still okay in my book. There are lots of things that I don't personally appreciate, or object to, but fairness and equality say they're still okay for others to enjoy even if I don't.

I just caught up with the thread, and also corroborate the feelings of @imuv and @rosemadder.

Not sure how I feel about this doctor's note. First off, exactly what is her field of work? Is she a general practitioner, a psychiatrist.... That makes a very large difference. Also, how long has she been working with Nicki, and for that matter, how long has she be working, period.

That was definitely raised a red flag for me.

I saw the ads for this all over over the past month online when looking for videos on few of the streaming sites and found the advertising of this to be a massive turn off. The OP's description of the event sounds absolutely horrible. I haven't seen it, I don't want to see it but the situation and words above have disturbed me on the deepest level.

The whole thing strikes me as exploitive especially if many (and I imagine that there were many, considering the all the marketing) people had paid to see this take place. Nikki's reputation as a porn star and future sales/jobs as an actress might be on the line (at the very least in her mind) or even as far as Kink.com may be concerned if the event ended up flopping if they had to refund the money if Nikki couldn't come back after whatever went on for 2 hours. To those that encouraged this girl to do it this way, and didn't encourage her to consider the reality of that fantasy that you've had a great part in creating for her, I don't even know what to say to you. What I've loved about kink.com is how happy the performers appear to be in what they are doing no matter how extreme. I wonder how someone fully consent in a situation like this who doesn't have the experience to know if she or he can handle whatever is coming? Especially with so much money and potentially her reputation on the line?

Bummer story/situation to read about and I'm sincerely hoping that this isn't something that becomes a regular thing with Kink.com. I've been such a fan of Mark Davis but for him to agree to de-virginize a girl with his size and then behave callously/carelessly about it changes my opinion of him. I guess it's not totally fair of me to feel this way when I haven't actually seen the video but it sounds like it was something that I couldn't possibly watch but the intermission and the OP's description as well as others here tell a fucked up story. I'm sincerely glad to hear that Nikki is okay and is saying that she's happy with her choice to go this route but I have to wonder at what extent someone especially that young would go to get attention and approval from people she looks up to, that employ her to especially someone that identifies as a submissive.

To Lollith and most others on this string!
I know Peter from old time spent in Cambridge University and even back then I found him to be someone I was happy to call a good person and a friend. However we are all human and as humans we all make mistakes and we all have our own perspective on the world.

I didn't and have not seen the shoot but I have read everything about it and my thought are that Mark made his mistake by not stopping the first time round and then restarting with some more thought to Nicki's wellbeing; but on the other hand Nicki herself at the end of it all was very happy with the outcome and that on it's self to me is enough for me to say in my opinion that Kink.com did follow its rules rereading the wellbeing of the models.

Everyone has had their say and Peter has not ran for the hills, showing no guilt in the matter and I personally think that as everyone is a consensual adult and Nicki is happy that we can all move on from this...

Cameron

@mabymaby I hope you will read the first hand accounts listed on this thread, @busdriver, @imuv, myself and @Zsander's account. The OP was not there herself, and unfortunately was not able to see the outcome of the shoot. All accounts referenced above are by people who were there and saw it 'in the flesh', as well as saw/interacted with Nicki afterward, and I feel that gives another and possibly more complete picture.

No offence to the OP but in this we are all adults, including the models and participants. Kink.com is a business and the models have their own agendas. You may find the treatment of Nicki disturbing, but from all accounts that is what she wanted as far as I can tell.

Just because you find it disturbing, that in it's self is not a reason for others to find it disturbing and from your and the accounts of others Nicki herself was happy with the out come so who are you to jump on your high horse about this.

You claim that Kink.com does not represent the BDSM community but in this yes they do. Your kink may not be my kink but I respect your right to do it so long as all involved consent to what happens one way or another. Is that not how we are supposed to deal with each other? Also there are many who play this sort of game skirting on the boundaries of consent. Honestly I don't see the problem here.

Just my thoughts

Be careful what you wish for... you might just get it.

I was there and was standing a ars length away from mark davis right before first attempt, nikki berated mark before the start talked shit about his penis and everyone laughed i felt bad for mark for a minute also jessie cox was on her knees right there under nikki and mark comforting her with words, but alas the highlight was cherrytorn bartending looking fan fucking tastic and i did get to give that tight booty some love taps i left to do my dm shift at the citadel after so i wasnt there for the second part.

For the first hand viewers/upper hand insiders/employees at Kink.com you obviously have a stake in saying everything was fine for everyone involved, including themselves. Perception is reality and if what the OP saw which sounds absolutely brutal is what was portrayed then that's what people on this thread including myself are going to be inclined to believe. Please keep in mind that I saw the ads and marketing for this event and already had it in my mind that it was a calloused and horrible idea. Especially if it were actual and real. It crossed my mind before reading more of Nikki's porn experience/background that it might be a marketing stunt to kick start a career or maybe a simulated pay per view type of event to jog sales and customers. Now hearing how it went down, I actually wish it was! I actually wish I never read the OP'ers post, I'm pretty disturbed about it, obviously. First time sex sucks for most women when it's done with a non-porn sized penis (or whatever is used). Was this addressed when the production was planned?

I've been around Kink parties in the past years on rare occasions dating back to the south of market location. I don't do public stuff these days, I find it distracting and impersonal for my tastes, but I have been following Kink.com as a fan and as a sex positive local (in my neighborhood in fact) business that I love to read and hear about and occasionally watch a video because some of it is fantastically hot. And somehow no matter how degrading or dirty it came across as classy. I honestly feel sorry for Nikki, regardless if she's telling you guys that this or was her greatest fantasy and I hope this doesn't go down as one of her biggest regrets. She's young, she's obviously got some serious issues that I hope she addresses and makes sure she's okay all the way around, and I'm not just talking about the subject at hand. Take a step back and think about it and her age and her lack of experience and that this is her chosen path. She is of course entitled to make her own choices with her body and sexuality as any other person can.

Please know that I'm not implying rape or anything of the like, that I don't think anyone is a bad or dangerous person over there, just that it seems like a huge and terrible idea executed with dollar bills in mind on Kink and Nikki's end (she was shopping the idea around, right?), rather than a reality based fantasy being executed.

That's all.

@maybemaybe

For the first hand viewers/upper hand insiders/employees at Kink.com you obviously have a stake in saying everything was fine for everyone involved, including themselves.

Thanks for insulting me, but if I thought Kink was wrong, I'd both say so here, and vote with my feet. I have no fiscal interest in Kink.com personally.

Speaking of a lack of objectivity, I'm not so sure that it's fair of you to judge this shoot on a purely theoretical or emotional basis alone if you were neither there, nor actually saw any of it.

I mean, movie critics at least have to SEE the movie before panning it. Just saying, kettle.

I want to thank everyone who's continued this discussion, especially those who were either there first-hand or watched it live in its entirety. While many concerns arose, many of those concerns have been assuaged. Just knowing that an OBGYN was present during the intermission is a load off my mind. And I feel like we're getting a more complete picture of what was actually going on.

While I'm still not generally keen on this type of event, I'm at least glad to have more information on how it appears to have come off worse than it actually was. One thing that confuses me though is in fact the intermission and that what was going on behind the scenes with doctors is just coming to light now. It seems that when things are left up to the imagination, a person is generally inclined to assume the worst. While I did not watch and can't really accurately give criticism as to what was shown versus what was not shown, it does seem odd to me that the intermission was left in such mystery. That may largely be preferable to strangers to the San Francisco kink, but I think that for a lot of people, what didn't get shown--however unsexy it might've been--seemed to matter a lot more to us than what did get shown.

Just two more cents.

I'm not insulting you personally, knee jerker, I'm just saying that it's doubtful employees or other people who hang out there are going to come on here and publicly berate something controversial. There is also the instance of not wanting to see something controversial, regardless of the situation. Do you disagree that this is a possibility here?

I see a big issue with a young woman that has chosen, prior to losing her virginity, to go this route without any prior knowledge of what goes on, how it feels and what it is. It's not an issue for you or the thousands of (mostly, I presume) men who paid to watch a massive cock deflower a young girl for pay or profit. Clearly but it is for me and also the people who walked out, chose to not accompany their partners, or are posting and discussing their issues with it here. I get it, she can do whatever the fuck she wants but I can also think it's fucked up and wrong based on the ads I saw for it and based on the original posting. And I have.

I've said I haven't seen it, I've said I don't want to see it. I've said the idea (and the reality of it) was upsetting. And it is.

@maybemaybe i can respect the opinions of others even if they are contrary to my own. If @lollith is irked by what she had seen via the live stream then she is within her right to be horrified by what she's seen and communicate her feelings. None of the feedback on this thread has put her down for her feelings.

This comment from you however, I find insulting beyond words: For the first hand viewers/upper hand insiders/employees at Kink.com you obviously have a stake in saying everything was fine for everyone involved, including themselves. You have just insulted the integrity and ethics of everyone who had posted THEIR OWN OPINIONS just because it is inconsistent with your own, regarding something for which you've formulated an opinion based on second hand information. That somehow we are individuals of such low human standards that we are all willing to standby and watch unsafe, insane, and unconsensual harm come to a young woman. bleh. my mouth haven't tasted this bad since accidentally watching 2girls1cup.

In my opinion, Mark Davis’s treatment of Nicki was absolutely inappropriate that he was allowed to go on with blatantly unsafe sex practices without being reprimanded by anyone.

Well, Ms. Lolith...I was in the very front watching...you are absolutely inappropriate in your presumption, erroneous conclusion, and then to spew your paranoid hypersensitvity. Jesus Chirst.

Mark Davis was nurturing, especially considering the context.

This is Porn, not Lesbian Lovers, the L Word dynamic. This girl gets PAID to do this; she has chosen this path, to lay back and get fucked on camera. What the fuck do you expect? How pathetic to be so shocked…good lord girl, get a grip.

LILITH

@maybemaybe Nicki is currently in LA celebrating this past weekend's activities with her close friends. I hope she doesn't see your post - together with your suggestion that she 'obviously has issues' - until after her celebratory phase is over. For the record, Nicki is a delight to be around, and a great deal of dialog took place with her to ensure her motivations for this were sound and well reasoned.

btw, are we seriously debating the "appropriate size" of a man suitable to have vaginal sex with a woman for her first time? really?

I love this deflective barrage coming from men who watched a young woman scream stop, likely voted for her to have the biggest cock available to deflower her, and need to take a 2 hour break to finish a paid "job". I'll tell what, I'll watch this video tonight and let you know how I feel to follow if it will make you feel better about being upset at me for being disturbed since I clearly need to see this first hand to understand losing virginity and what the original poster said.

I'm sorry to imply that she's not all together there, Peter, but come on. I was looked at as mature and worldly at 21 and projected myself that way, as most girls do but the reality is that you know nothing about anything at 21. Think about who you were back then? You don't know yourself, mind or body, regardless of how much sex you've had and likely especially if you have had zero sex.

You guys picked a controversial live subject to show, now deal with the concern, shock and reaction that marketing it in such a way and showing it obviously was going to get.

@maybemaybe

It's not an issue for you or the thousands of (mostly, I presume) men who paid to watch a massive cock deflower a young girl for pay or profit. Clearly but it is for me and also the people who walked out, chose to not accompany their partners, or are posting and discussing their issues with it here.

I agree with you 100% on this. Clearly this is an issue for you, and many others who were uncomfortable with it. My wife didn't agree with Nikki's choice, and did not attend for that reason. I respect that. But the opposite is also true, and those of us without issues on this point don't deserve to be villified by those who do for not sharing your position. That broad brush paints both ways.

But I can also think it's fucked up and wrong based on the ads I saw for it and based on the original posting. And I have.

Yep. You did. You pre-judged this as "fucked up and wrong" on a public forum without ever having seen it yourself. I respect your right to do so.

I've said the idea (and the reality of it) was upsetting. And it is.

I do not discount that the idea of this is upsetting to you. (and likely very many others) What I take issue with, is that you do not get to argue about the reality of this event, because you stated that you have chosen not see it.

Peter, if you want to send me the link, I'll watch it but at this point this conversation and men not looking at the bigger picture with especially young women is such a turn off for me to porn. It's for this reason that I can't deal most porn; if there is even the slightest chance that the reasons are ulterior rather being sex positive it bums me out. I've dug Kink.com because the women all seem so healthy and present, not desperate or broken and very into whatever they were doing. Whoever said above that the 2 hour break leaving our minds to their imaginations, it's very true. 2 hours is a long fucking pause for someone who is excited and into something like this.

Lolith, I really think it's great that you can share your opinion here, and that others have spoken openly.

I have been out of the loop for a while, although I've been an avid viewer of kink.com porn for years. If I had some balls of my own, I'd probably contact them about a shoot.

Anyway: I think Peter and the rest of the kink.com staff, etc who have posted here are responding in a positive and appropriate way.

What you described is indeed disturbing. But a lot is different on camera than it is in person. I've done a lot of spanking videos and while they're no hardcore porn, what people see, and what goes on is significantly different.

I'm pleased to read the first hand accounts, they're reassuring. I am curious to see an actual response from Nicki too, though.

I don't have an opinion, as I haven't seen it but I am curious to see how this plays out. I am sure those personally involved are taking care of what needs to be taken care of and hope that Nicki can clear this up since the first hand accounts don't see to be for most people.

Hello everyone,

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who shared their accounts of this event. As I said in my post, I was not there in person, nor was I able to see the ending. As I also mentioned before, I did do my research and I know that this is something Nicki has wanted to happen for a very long time, and I did see that she was in good spirits after the fact.

It was very illuminating to have certain things explained, as I was not there in the room, and could only see what showed up on my screen. I am very happy to hear that there was a doctor present and that Nicki got much after care. I was also very pleased that Mr. Acworth took the time to read and respond to my message, as well as read my journal and offer to give me the contact information of said doctor. It sounds as though Kink.com took more precautions than I was aware of.

I will maintain however, that from where I was, and with what I could see, I and the two other people in the room with me watching the broadcast, were disturbed. I would also like to say, and reiterate what IMUV articulated so well in one of her comments, that I, like anyone else, have the right to express my feelings, just as those who were present have the right to express their opinion, as well as Kink.com has the right to defend themselves. If you perceive me as "pathetic" or "hypersensitive" so be it. I did not request that everyone agree with me, and I did request that others who saw it or were present give their experience.

I will also maintain my belief that "stop" was a sufficient replacement of a safeword (though I do agree that her actual safeword would have been ideal.) To me it is not the same thing as someone saying "no" or "ouch", in my opinion "stop" simply means "stop." As with everything else I have written, I don't request that anyone agree with me. This is simply my opinion.

Since the only thing I could rely on was what I saw and what the camera captured, as well as a few vague updates during the intermission saying only that Nicki needed a break and that she would return soon, you might be able to understand why I came to the conclusions that I did.

I will not discuss whether it was right or wrong of Kink.com to put on this event in the first place, as that was not the issue that I was addressing in this journal entry anyway. It sounds as though Nicki had her fantasy fulfilled regardless of what her motivations were.

I am sorry to anyone I may have angered or upset with this post. While I did write this when I was feeling rather enraged, my only intentions were to express my feelings and concerns to the community, as well as get some other perspectives, which I do not regret.

I am glad to hear that Nicki is celebrating this experience and that she is in the presence of good friends. And as I stated in my letter to Mr. Acworth I wish her nothing but the best in her career and the rest of her life.

well, even small dicks can hurt...i know...
i wish i was invited to this party..that way i could see first hand what really happend....
If Nicki herself posted something stating that she was happy with her decsion, and glad she did it, would that make anyone feel any better? It would me...losing ur virginity is never a feel good moment...so I feel for her in that aspect...
Good to hear she is celebrating with close friends....good for her.

Thanks to the people who were there viewing the event and are sharing their take on what happened, and the information they were able to provide (@Stefanos, @BusDriver, @Scorpio999, et al). As long as Ms. Blue is happy and healthy, that is what matters.

Hey y'all,

wow, this is something! so interesting!

I havent read all the responses yet, but intend to!

When I said "she got what she asked for" I did not mean "she was asking to be raped because she was wearing a mini-skirt" type thing. There is no victim here. This girl got what she asked for because she asked for a porn-cock to fuck penetrate her virginal vag live on camera.

Unless you were there, or her, no one else knows what negotiations this anal-pro (ahem recent fisting shoot) negotiated pre-scene. period.

now, back to reading!

oops, edit out the *fuck...

... she asked for a porn-cock to penetrate her virginal vag live on camera.

i did not read every single response so this might have already been said....but one of my biggest frustrations with "the scene" is judgmental people...ie: my kink is ok but your kink is not....Im sure we have all....at one point in our lives been judged for choosing this lifestyle...this should be a place we feel safe...a place where we feel we can be ourselves ...unless You are those two people sharing the experience we really have no clue what they are feeling...we can project all we want..how is this so different from beating the shit out of a young girl...tying her up...humiliating her..spitting in her face...pissing on her...all the things involved in bdsm porn...and play....both parties were doing their job.

Late to the party, but...

I've seen shoots (including kink.com's) from a few sides: having been in them, seeing them on (slight) delay as they broadcast, and then the final "release" product. I know first-hand that some scenes look very different to the viewers than they do to the participants.

Khym and I watched the Nikki shoot live. Not our particular kink, but we wanted to see the actions of our friends. When Nikki was calling "stop" we both remarked that "stop" isn't a safeword... In fact, that's part of our dynamic (and we've heard that of many others).

I've never been paid by kink.com, but I have enjoyed their hospitality. Khym has been paid by them, and had some of her interests and fantasies fulfilled. Professionally and safely, I might add.

cheers,
Matt

ps- In my experience, perception is not reality, REALITY is reality. Unless Nikki weighs in with a complaint, I'm not going to be concerned about the events at all. Just more thread in the weave of life...

@tristan_alex-

To what "problematic truth" are you referring?

My god, this is totally out of hand! This mud-slinging is uncalled-for.
@Lollith: Having attended the event, and seen the entire thing with my own eyes, I can tell you with certainty that you have no idea what you're talking about. This is enraging because it's GOSSIP, and you ALL (especially those of you who somehow agree, yet haven't even watched the video) should be ashamed of yourselves! Attacking the integrity of Kink.com only hurts real people - real people who have done nothing wrong, whatsoever. If you think something illegal has happened, please at least get some information from the supposed victim. Go to the police, not Fetlife. The police might actually look for truth, instead of drama.

And if you think that my attending the shoot somehow disqualifies my testament here, suspends my morals, and ALL OF US WHO WERE THERE are somehow involved in a conspiracy/cover-up, then you are hopelessly paranoid. I am not an employee of Kink.com, but I personally know most of them. Safety ALWAYS comes first, and EVERY ONE OF THEM would gladly give up their job to prevent or put an end to abuse. There's a reason Kink.com has such a stellar reputation: they have a caring, nurturing family full of safe/sane/consensual kinksters.

Here's what I witnessed:
I had a chat with Mark Davis during the intermission, and his focus and concern was entirely upon Nicki's well-being. He told me about how they had a doctor in there, discussing options for Nicki, because she was choosing to continue. There was never, EVER, any sentiment that Nicki was in any danger, or in any way coerced. She is an ass-fisting porn star who lobbied numerous companies to make this happen.

The description from @imuv is spot-on. So is what @BusDriver and @RoseMadder have said. All of it. I would also like to add that Nicki walked into that scene more pampered and supported than any dominant of the Upper Floor. She was surrounded by house slaves, all offering comfort and encouragement at every possible moment, both before and during the scenes on the bed. And during both the first and second "act", I was so close to the action, I could touch them. It was a challenging time they had, sure. But I hung out with Nicki afterwards - she was giddy, smiley, proud and pleased. Even bouncy, and especially huggy.

RE: "... 'stop' is pretty fucking direct." I'm sorry, are you new? "Stop" is not a safe word. Nicki damn-well knows that. It was her first Tab-A/Slot-B, but it was not her first rodeo. Having played alongside Nicki several times, I can assure you she was in complete control and knew exactly what she was doing.

In fact, Nikki was given more control than she wanted. What she explicitly requested was to be tied down thoroughly. Out of respect for her and her comfort, they didn't.

The staff at Kink.com had a hard time because this was an immense challenge. It most certainly was a bold move to attempt to make a live, streamed event out of one of the most exciting, difficult, and/or strenuous moments in youth. But in the end, the only person allowed to accuse someone of wrongdoing are the people involved, or at least present. You're welcome not to like it, but don't you dare baselessly accuse anyone of illegality or violations of contracts when all you got was a tiny, tiny slice of the big picture through your computer screen and speakers. It shocked you? Go ahead and write about how much it shocked you. Reckless slander is just despicable.

It has been an interesting read.

I too was present at the event. @BusDriver, @imuv, @Rosemadder, @Zsander, and @Leila_Valentina in particular have already said pretty much everything I could say (particularly regarding the sequence of events), and I will corroborate everything they've said...but here's my $0.02.

The Captain & I are regular guests on the Upper Floor, and were present in the inner sanctum both times that evening. Now, we'd met Miss Blue about a month and a half ago at a party, at which point we heard from her about the plan to have her first vaginal penetration in front of a live audience. We spoke with her on several occasions after that leading up to the event on January 15th, and each time it was evident that her excitement surrounding the "big night" was growing.

We were standing right at the head of the bed, behind Miss Blue's head (not the camera side) both times that night. Still a pretty good view of what was taking place. It was obvious on the first attempt that she was experiencing a good amount of pain, hence the decision to take an intermission. I don't know the specifics of what took place during that period of time, but upon returning to the sanctum, it was obvious that in that interim, Nicki had discussed ways at which to put her more at ease.

Let me digress for a moment here, and ponder. A large number of women (myself included) break their hymen in childhood, often due to activities such as gymnastics, dance, horseback riding, or simply a slip on the wrong piece of playground equipment. Knowing that Nicki Blue has ballet experience (you can see her walk around in pointe shoes frequently on TUF), I'm frankly surprised that her hymen didn't break during childhood. That leads me to think that her hymen was possibly a lot thicker than average, accounting for some of the difficulty Mark Davis had in penetrating her. (That said, there was also the issue of whether or not Miss Blue was even a "vaginal virgin" at all. I can understand that--in fact, I had my doubts. But being present at the event, based upon the screams I head and the look on her face I saw, either that was the truth, or she's a really good actress.)

When the inital penetration did finally occur, yes--it was painful, both for Nicki, and a good number present. The House slaves were just wonderful in caring for Nicki, murmuring soothing words to her, and taking care of keeping things clean--you could still tell that they were affected. Actually, as imuv mentioned, it's a lot what I'd imagine being present at a birth back in an older age--with midwives/female attendants/handmaidens--to be like. It was actually very much a rite-of-passage ceremony.

Yes, the ass-to-pussy moment did happen. I did not have a 100% clear view of what took place, but from what I did see, it was a brief moment in which Mark Davis' cock slipped out of her pussy (because it was so damn tight and he was barely in anyways), and--especially given the amount of lube--accidentally slipped into her ass (only the head from what I could see), and then he moved back to her pussy. Zsander makes a good point in his note about those experienced with anal play often having an extensive hygiene regimen. Sure--it would have been better for a quick cleaning wipe to take place, but it didn't, and I stress that the act was accidental.

After the second part of the ceremony, the guests were asked to move back into the lounge. I can say definitively that Nicki was glowing when we left her in many caring hands in the sanctum, and when she arrived in the lounge not all that long afterwards, the glow was radiating even brighter. She had a shit-eating grin on her face, and I'd be willing to bet she's still wearing it.

To be frank, Nicki's choice is not the same one that I would have made for myself. It's not a choice a lot of women would make. But that's why it's called a choice. I applaud her for pursuing her fantasy and making it a reality. This was what she wanted, and both she and Kink.com benefited from the occasion. I agree that the initial marketing campaign behind this event was not exactly tasteful. I was glad to see that they re-thought that particular idea--I wonder, if they had initially thought that one out a bit more, if this debate wouldn't be quite as heated.

Everyone's idea of virginity--what it is, what it means--is different. Nicki Blue lost what she considered to be hers in the very way she wanted to and planned to, and everything I saw that evening speaks to that. Really, @elliotte put it best...

At this point, with portions of this audience still heating up, while others may (perhaps) be cooling down, I shall endeavour to be brief:

1) I (as many above will attest to) was also there;

2) The above comments by my fellow attendees BusDriver, imuv, Rosemadder, Zsander, Leila_Valentina, Erus_Decor, and my own dear Macabre_Muse above have provided a fair, balanced, and quite thorough depiction of the events of the evening as I also recall them (I was literally steadying the bed with my foot while penetration was at first attempted, and again when it was later successfully completed directly opposite me);

3) It was not for everyone (for whatever reasons individuals chose), but it was her choice;

4) For me, the aftereffects of the event are best summed up by the recollection of a portion of Nikki's reentry into the Lounge taking place en pointe, or on the tips of her toes (we have witnessed Miss Blue on a number of occasions exhibiting skills from her rather extensive experience and training in classical dance)--probably not the actions of someone too badly injured. Nikki's grin and giggling completed the picture.

5) While this topic shall no doubt continue to evoke debate (which is fine when handled in a balanced and mature manner), it is my sincere hope that the tension (and dare I say venom) might subside now. What's done is done, whether or not you were there, or agree or disagree with what (or how it) transpired.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled wickedness, perversions, and debaucheries. Let the salacious intent (and content) (re)commence!

An interesting event that occurred just a stones throw from where I sit (I live in the Mission) of which I have followed the story on for the past week. It certainty raises lots of provoking issues.

I understand it was was ceremonial like and bdsm. Maybe there was enough "foreplay"...but if I was in charge I would have made sure that she was so totally turned on, in heat, to the point where she was begging for it. And plenty of touch, teasing, kissing by the man/men that would fuck her. While she may have had still a thick hymen..if her pussy was gushing open it would have helped. But that shit rarely happens in porn. Maybe it was, I wasn't present but that's what just keeps coming to me even after reading first hand accounts.

@maybemaybe

I was looked at as mature and worldly at 21 and projected myself that way, as most girls do but the reality is that you know nothing about anything at 21. Think about who you were back then? You don't know yourself, mind or body, regardless of how much sex you've had and likely especially if you have had zero sex.

ok, so that's you. "reality is perception" and that is your own. Our personal, one-of-a-kind perspective influences the way we experience everything. Unique perceptions numerous as individuals themselves leads to infinite, coexisting "realities."

have you bothered checking the age of the OP? Your argument makes her entire account and feelings null and void, 'cause she don't "know nothing about anything," right?

@Bus Driver... ha, I love it that you quoted me! <3 Thanks, bruv! Sometimes I just blurt stuff out without thinking about possible social repercussions... so I'm always relieved/giddy when community peeps I super respect are on the same wavelength!

@Eros_Decor... not her first rodeo, <3 that phrase :) I thought the same thing!

Maggie Mayhem already wrote the perfect article imo, if you heaven't read it, you should! She's a smart lady!

& btw, I love Lolloith! You're a super sweet and goodhearted person. Just as I have, I'm sure you've learned a lot from this whole thread & I believe it was right of you to post your concerns. If the intermission was as long as it sounds, a lot of other viewers may have had a similar viewing experience. So it's really helpful to hear all the fun facts from the people who were there. I have tons of respect for all the players who spoke on this thread that I personally know.

Thanks everyone!

& Lollith, you avoided the party for a reason, right? You should have boycotted the broadcast for those same reasons. You already knew, it wasn't for you.

Wow. Comparing all the testimonies (in my mental episode of Law & Order) I'm gonna have to side with the "business as usual" people unless Mademoiselle Blue bursts into the courtroom. Maybe K-com could be a little safer here or a little more P.C. there, but I'm OK with their general M.O. (having not seen all of it, I'd be surprised if any of it were as bad as it seemed to the OP!). That said, I can definitely sympathize with the OP, as I've had a lot of "I'm never watching porn again" experiences in my life (lots of it with insex stuff).

Maybe a productive outcome of all this would be to think about this "niche market"/mainstream market thing a little more. The ideology of virginity being played up does strike me as something of a marketing "cross-over," as I would like to think that the FL core audience would not be particularly into except as some kind of camp. That's where my mind is wandering after sifting through all these perspectives. New thread?

I too was at the event, and spent alot of time with Nikki during the first attempt, the intermission, and the final scene. Alot of people have already posted their first hand accounts, so i will just highlight the key points.

She was led into the room and tied tightly up. This was her request. Prior to the scene there was discussions as to which would be the best position. Mark Davis was very attentive and concerned about how to get the best position for her comfort and ease. She requested more than once to be tied up as tightly as possible. I had a very good view of the entire event. As mentioned by others, while it may not have been heard on the film, the house-slaves were whispering comforting words the entire time, and were constantly attentive to her comfort with lube and wiping. The audience was extremely respectful, and the atmosphere was of near reverence, rather than just film-making.

When Mark didn't get his cock in the first time, he wasn't angry, I don't know where that was coming from. His concern for her was obvious. He called the scene at the right moment. Nikki clearly clearly clearly wanted successful completion of her vaginal penetration. It clearly did hurt as he was attempting to put it in, but it was obvious that she wanted him to keep trying. He responsibly called for a break. During the break, he spent a lot of time with Nikki, cuddling with her, and talking with her. He visited the break room many many times. As well, the house-slaves spent time with her. The doctor, who has over 15 years of experience delivering babies, and doing gynecology was with her the entire time both during the shoots and the break. An exam pre and post was done. THERE WAS NO PRESSURE FOR HER TO CONTINUE the shoot. That is why the break was long. Everyone was just taking their time. As a participant who wasn't concerned about the live feed, the break didn't feel long to me. It was only as long as it needed to be. She really wanted to try again, so after MULTIPLE MULTIPLE CHECK-INS with her (by Mark, the house-slaves, production) she wanted to continue.

During the final scene, there was an incredible supportive atmosphere in the room. Women were whispering comforting words, encouraging her to breathe, telling her "good job". Mark asked her to make eye contact with him to keep her connected. When he got inside her, there was great applause and happiness all around.

Nikki was ecstatic afterwards, as were many of the guests. She ran around the upper floor dancing, hugging, glowing, giggling. Despite filming, marketing, careers, etc, etc,.... this was a REAL EVENT, not STAGED, NOT PERFECT, and one that Nikki manifested and desired. It is not for us to decide/judge a 21 year old woman's desire to have her first vaginal penetration done publically. Most girls wander carelessly into the event without any planning at a much younger age. She is a powerful beautful soul, and she came to the right place to enact a powerful rite of passage. Not many people pull that off, and she brought in the right people. Yay Nikki!!!

particularly into *it

I, too, was there... and would like to second (or third, fourth... tenth) @BusDriver, @imuv, @Rosemadder, @Zsander, @Macabre_Muse, @Captain_Jack66, and my Master whom I followed @Erus_Decor.

Just my two cents... all was safe, sane, and consensual... and Kink.com's staff were prepared for every eventuality of the evening. Though perhaps the viewers were not! lol

ok all i'm going to say about this is i understand your concerns and thank you for voicing them. I'm very sorry that you and your girlfriend found this very hard to watch (part of the reason i didn't view the video.

This is a free country after all. i don't really know nikki personally, i believe i met her once. But that said, she may be young (i am the same age) but she is a girl who knows what she wants and goes after it. She is a bubbly little thing and although i'm sure it hurt very much, i'm sure she expected it. You also have to consider that this is the first time (to my knowledge) the Kink inc. has done something of this nature, so of course things are going to go wrong.

The way it was marketed wasn't perfect and i feel bad that she had some discomfort. But more power to her for living her fantasy.

i honestly wish her the best in her career.

Indeed, the Kink.com staff handled the evening professionally and addressed issues as they came up. This was not a shoot where every step can be pre-planned, but it is evident that as much planning for as many contingencies as possible went into the preparation for this event.

Indeed, in addition to coordinating the entire event, making sure Nicki's well-being was priority number one the whole time, and handling on-the-fly situations, the staff was also dealing with issues in regards to the chat servers. I heard at one point, there were well over 300 people in member's chat, in addition to more than 400 in free chat. (Those in free chat were not able to view the events in the inner sanctum.) I admit that it was a very different atmosphere than I've ever experienced on the Upper Floor to date, but I was very impressed with how the whole evening was handled.

Maybe she could check out www.revirgination.net and then do the whole thing again, marketed differently. Because, you know, that's how "true" virginity is defined. I'm sure it would be a fabulous experience the second time through. I mean, the "re-first".

(note: the preceding was 100% sarcasm. I hope nobody takes that website seriously.)

Hi Folks,

I was there for the shoot and spent almost the entire evening nearby Nicki, including Mark's first attempt, the two hours between the first and second attempt and for several hours after the filming had stopped.

Here is what I saw from 3 feet away:

-This was an extremely special evening - one that I will never forget. It was certainly difficult at times, but there was never the slightest trace of callousness or cynicism - the tone was one of deep respect - if not reverence.
-This was Nicki's show - from start to finish. She is a young and very powerful person and had the will and the determination to manifest this event. She should be commended for her courage and vision.
-Despite her discomfort, Nicki was very emphatic about proceeding forward at every juncture. Mark Davis stopped the action several times out of concern for her well-being, despite Nicki's explicit on-camera statements asking him to keep going.
-Mark Davis was extremely professional, kind, and compassionate with Nicki the entire time, both on-camera and off. He clearly understood what a powerful and important night it was and behaved accordingly. She gave him the biggest, sweetest hug possible when it was all over and thanked him again and again. They bonded through the experience because of her determination and his care and compassion. Mark is a consummate professional and should be commended.
-Everyone on the Kink.com staff was very kind, compassionate and professional during the entire event. Nicki's well-being was first in mind during every decision. The entire Kink.com staff should be commended for pulling off something so completely unprecedented with such skill and grace.
-Everyone I talked to during and after the event had a very powerful experience. The suspense and uncertainty generated by the two hour break was very real and the applause and relief in the room when Mark finally succeeded was a feeling that I will never forget.
-After the applause was over and the cameras went away, a wave of exhaustion and relief washed over me and I had to go sit down on the couch. One of the Kink.com producers came over and sat down next to me, obviously in the same state of relief, exuberance and exhaustion. She looked at me and laughed, and I did the same as we wordlessly shared a moment of "Whew"!. That moment summed it up pretty well.

For the rest of the night we all celebrated Nicki's success, while she bounced around the Upper Floor, floating 2 feet off the ground. She was about as happy as a girl can get. It was her night - she was in heaven.

I feel extremely privileged and proud to have been there, and I will never forget it.

This is what I saw.

Sincerely,

-JB

Hey there robintv, greetings, and it's been too long!

"questions; Have not any of u seen or exsperienced a submissive so deep into the scene that they were in no condition to use any safeword and a Dom, being in touch with the subs verbal and physical communications, stopped the scene with out an agreed upon "safeword" being voiced? Isn't that a Doms responsibility to their sub during play?

I feel it is. Though, since I was not there and did not see it I cannot say it was applicable there."

Good question, and good point; I think many of of have been in that exact situation, where the normal rules and negotiated conduct have to be flexed a bit to address the scene as it has unfolded.

Khym and I watched the shoot over the web, and many friends and partners-in-crime were on the physical scene. From what we saw and what they experienced, the "stop" request was not really a safeword call (and Mark did pause and check in, to my eyes). We both took it as one of those "mouth says 'stop,' mind says 'GO GO GO!'" utterances, with which we're all familiar.

(We've only met Nikki Blue once IRL, and she did not strike either me or Khym as a player who would get into an unwelcome situation. Very directed and self-driven, she was.)

Believe me, if the scene was actually running off the rails for Ms. Blue, I am 100% confident that one of the many well-versed and very competent players on-site would have most definitely found a way to end or pause the scene without viewers being any the wiser. They're genuine lifestylers and professionals; it's what they do.

Well after everything I'm reading and now hearing first hand with someone Im visiting with now at Citadel. I'm happy Nikki had a good shoot and so many caring folks around her.

Thanks Peter for making her feel safe as well as the other folks who seem to have been around for her support !

Yay for a fantasy lived ! ahh if only I was young and cute and in my 20's!

I vote they set the next one loose on the set of Gold Rush.

The point is that everyone can judge for themselves. So everyone telling the people who found it distasteful that they need to keep their opinions to themselves should heed their own goddamn advice. Everyone is allowed to have an opinion; everyone is allowed to interpret this shitstorm however they damn please.

My kudos to Lollith for having the balls to express a very sincere and, to my mind, valued take on this event.

And yes - I am speaking as a still-flowered kinkster, so I'm sure I'm bringing my own experience/desires into my opinion. But isn't that sort of the point?

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